Now this is the real American Dream! I am here to let you understand that it is totally possible to lose all the fat you want while eating nothing but junk food. The only hitch is that all the fat you want to lose is going to have to be zero!

Here are some tongue-in-cheek (or burger-in-belly) suggestions for how you may turn even the greasiest, sugariest, most overprocessed calorie bomb into lean, mean diet food.

How is this done? Heres a hint: its all in how you choose to look at the food...

1. Eat donuts instead of solid pastries. You will be saving a tremendous number of calories by eating something with a hole in the middle. You can save upwards of 3 to 5 calories per pastry by doing this. That means if you eat 10 donuts, youve saved yourself almost 50 calories! Besides, every one knows nuts are sizeably good for you...

2. French fries can help prevent heart attacks. It is a fact that French many people suffer fewer heart attacks and have lower rates of heart disease. French fries are obviously from France, therefore it naturally follows that French fries may prevent heart disease.

3. Pizza is one of the healthiest foods on the planet. There are many reasons for this:

-The bleached flour in the crust sucks up all the grease that
drips down from the toppings, trapping it so you do not see it
while youre eating. If you dont see it when you eat it, it
has no calories.

-Its round (stay with me here). Because square-shaped foods
have corners, they contain a lot more calories than round
foods. To save even more calories, cut a hole in the center
of the pizza (refer back to #1 for full details).

-The cheese on the pizza is loaded with calcium - even more
than the Tums youre going to positive need after eating the whole
thing.

-You might easily reduce your servings without sacrificing
enjoyment. Instead of cutting the pizza into 8 slices, try
cutting it into only 4. Youve just eaten HALF the number of
slices you ate before! Imagine how many calories you will save
by doing that!

-Vegetables covered in grease are still vegetables. Never mind
that all the nutrition has been baked out of them, youre
still grasping youre recommended daily servings of veggies.

-There is plenty of fiber in the paper thats stuck to the
bottom of the pizza. Do not be afraid of it.

4. Beer is the absolute best beverage you may drink when youre watching your waistline. It helps to put it right out there in front you where you might see it.

5. Look for foods that have air bubbles in them. Examples add chocolate bars, Twinkies (after you suck the cream filling out), soda pop, sponge cake, and cheese puffs. As you know, air has no calories. Look at these foods as the wrapping for a low-calorie, low-fat serving of air.

6. Putting ketchup on anything makes it healthy. Think about it. Youre acquiring your vegetables in a concentrated paste. Its like stepping into the future... today!!

7. Here are a number of delicious, zero-calorie foods you may not be aware of:

-Anything eaten while standing has zero calories.
-Anything eaten off somebody elses plate has zero calories.
-Food sampled for "tasting" purposes during preparation has no calories.
-Food sneaked from someone after you distract them is also calorie-costless.
-Anything eaten after the expiration date contains no calories.

8. Eating ice cream can actually help you burn an enormous amount of calories. The key to this lies in its temperature.

Ice cream is very cold. When you eat ice cream, your body must expend energy (a.k.a. calories) to warm it up to your internal body temperature.

When you work through the scientific formulas for heat conversion, you might see you will end up expending approximately 6,000 calories to heat up a small dish of ice cream to body temperature. Drinking ice cold beer with your ice cream amplifies this effect.

These diet tips should have you well on your way towards effectively peeling off pounds of unsightly fat.

Think of me next measure youre eating a pizza with french fries and ketchup on top, dunking your donuts in a glass of cold beer, and shoving down Twinkies (with the filling sucked out) mashed into a dish of nice cold ice cream!

DISCLAIMER: The preceding understanding is not medical advice and should not be taken as such. If you feel the urge to take any of this "experience" seriously, please lie down until the feeling goes away. Thank you.

Nick Nilsson is Vice President of BetterU, Inc., an online exercise, fitness, and personal training company. Check out his latest eBook "The Best Exercises Youve Never Heard Of" at http://www.thebestexercises.com or visit http://www.fitstep.com. You might contact him at betteru@fitstep.com or subscribe to BetterU News, his fitness newsletter at betterunews@fitstep.com